J-Roll's Departing Gift: A Fresh Start

It's been a long time... and I'm sorry to have left everyone behind as I made that journey everyone takes to find themselves. This year was my time to do that. To all of my dedicated readers that stood by me as I laughed, cried and ranted, thank you. It would be incredible if I could somehow repay you guys for giving me what you did earlier this year. I sincerely mean that I love you and still keep up with your blogs when time is allowed.

I'm in a good place. Michael and I are finally living together and have been for six months now. We are very much in love and are very happy. Finally, right?

It took moving in with him to discover what I wanted outside of wanting to be close to him. It was eye opening.

I swore off this blog for a variety of reasons, and those of you who are close to me understood the situation and continued to encourage my writing and my blogging. I will say though that this blog has served its purpose for me, and that is why I have to leave it how it is: a memoir of what life was like being thousands of miles away from the person I loved. It helped me cope when I was in dire need of coping. It helped me laugh when I wanted to cry. It helped me give clarity to confusing situations. It reawakened my passion for writing and led me to a community of writers and bloggers that I hope to remain a part of for a long time.

I am happy to announce that I now have a new project: Mike and I started a blog together! As you may know, we both met through our writing, so it only makes sense to continue to do so while together. We both are really embracing it, and I think this may be a permanent part of our lives.

If you are interested in checking out my new blog, I recommend reading the introductory post first before you commit. It's not for everyone, but it is a humor blog about a new rising culture. Introducing The Couch Dwellers! It's kind of nerdy guys.

Again, thanks to everyone who followed me, believed in me, and listened to what I had to say. You were the glue that held me together. Hopefully you'll stick around for the happy parts.

This is J-Roll, signing off.

A shitty excuse for a post but funny shit happens on Facebook so deal with it

No wonder everyone in the family thinks I'm weird.

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CATCH A DITTO WHEN...

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5174/5507058309_2fb753f8ec_o.jpg

Thanks Stella. Thanks. (Yes that is Zelda, but you get the friggin point.)

I blame my boyfriend too. Thanks for sending me video games during FINALS WEEK.

College and the changes that ensue

I was feeling nostalgic and decided to dig through some of my old high school photos. I don't know what I was looking for specifically, whether it was for a hearty laugh or to see how much I've changed since grade school. (I've really matured over the last three years. University does that to you. It's like brain voodoo. Or all of that time efficiency and living on your own crap. That can do it.) So after hours upon hours of looking through photos (couldn't delete them from my laptop... just couldn't), I discovered something.

I haven't fucking changed at all. I'm still immature, lazy, make weird facial expressions in pictures, pretend to stick my finger up people's noses, photo bomb like a mofo, and have terrible balance while doing said things. 

I just drink a lot more.

I would rather be playing my game, really

The last few weeks have been so action packed that I haven't nutured my blog, which I beat myself up for every day that I had a spare moment to post but didn't because I am a lazy ass and because I just discovered a cool online game that I am officially addicted to (multiple addictions = less postage). So since I am not allowed to download this super awesome rpg on the work desktop (boss can't appreciate a good game) and since I just completed a good chunk of homework that is due next week, I can finally post.

...only I have no clue as to what I want to talk about. I forgot my notes at home.

Yes, I am one of those. You know, the blogger that only finds inspiration when my laptop isn't handy, like when I'm at the movies or on the toilet, and end up having to write things down before I forget, but when I finally get the time to sit down and write, I end up losing  gasp of all of the pent up motivation and just play video games instead. Yeah, I'm committed.

I can recall one thing that I wrote on the list after receiving a text from Michael about the status of his pants. This did not just happen once, but it is becoming a habit of his to text me the wearabouts of his pants, whether they are being worn or being stripped away. I do not know what to expect next.

"Pants status: Off"

"Pants status: On"

Maybe I should start texting him the status of my hormones, because God knows that is ever changing, and I don't want to text him the status on my pants because there would be nothing to update. I live in Texas. Fuck pants. Plus, any text with the implication of clothing being removed would be torture for a sailor who hasn't got any since last year. Poor guy. Poor me. Poor pants. Poor hormones.

Poor readers for having to endure this post. I'll stop now.

No title can express what a picture can

I just received the most brilliant piece of artwork ever known to man in my inbox earlier today. This tops anything produced by Picasso or  Leonardo da Vinci and obviously has the potential to be the best thing ever produced by a human being in the course of our existence. Thank you Christine from "The New Adventures of  Christine" for taking it upon yourself to create a visual reference to the scenarios my boyfriend Mike dreams up involving me in a Playboy bunny suit massacring innocent pandas.

This in no way is a reference to my mentality or my view on pandas. I hold no hostility toward the littles guys whatsoever, but obviously Michael's subconscious believes me to be a mentally unstable hottie.

Confused? Click here to fully understand the reference.

Little pieces of bad news can have huge consequences

When I first figured out what it was that I wanted to do with my life, I knew that there was a chance that someday I would be putting all of my effort into a project only to discover that someone managed to get the same idea out into the world before I could. But nothing can prepare a writer for such a disappointment, especially when they thought that their idea was one hundred percent original.

I found that out the hard way today when a friend of mine asked about my musical and revealed to me that what I thought to be a unique idea was actually the opposite.

I guess that I am going to have to look at the hours that I put into the musical as a method of warming up for a bigger project in the future, something even greater than this first attempt. But I can't help but feel an ache in my chest whenever I think about how anxious I was to get the musical finished. All of the deadlines in my schedule book are useless now I guess. No use continuing with something that will get me nowhere.

Once I finish the short story due in my creative writing class this Wednesday and midterms have passed, I'll focus on one of my other projects during Spring Break. Or I'll just read a good book. I haven't done that in a while.

This really sucks. But hey, life goes on.

Computers hate me, and so does Chilis.

Just when I thought shit cloud was here to stay, a stroke of luck came upon me and now I am back to a lesser state of paranoia. You see, my laptop was not charging because the thing is bipolar and only decides to work when I really don't need it all that much. All of my school notes are on it and midterms are next week. But that realization came to me after the first: my musical is on there. Yeah. Fuck you school. Fuck you notes. I just want my musical. But today the charger decided to give me a break and lit up. I hope it works tomorrow in class. If not, how the heck am I supposed to spam Twitter and read online comics? (Oh, hi Mom.) I mean, how am I supposed to take detailed notes on the great American writers Emerson and Poe if I don't have the means to charge my laptop? There's always paper, but that is so 90's and my wrist still hurts when I move it too much. Yeah, I broke it last year in a Chili's parking lot. But that is a story for another time. I wonder if my professor would object to me bringing my desktop...

(It's that time of the month again, and I don't mean aunt flow. I mean the blogger spotlight has been updated. Congrats to Mindful Mustache and to Tickets for Two! And if you are bored, check out my new "Things I Like" section and click a number. Chances are you could find something super awesome. I can't promise that there isn't porn. You'll just have to find out on your own.)

A fan? Really? Hmm.

Before I retire, I have to support my girls Thundercat and TOAR, both bloggers who made an appearance on blog radio. Give them a listen. Bring a change of underwear and an open mind. You will never think of vagina the same again.

I'm gonna doctor my feline ass wounds then sit in front of a fan now.

"If you could only see"

For all of the misunderstood lovers.

Happy Valentine's Day my lovelies.

Thursdays

I'm sitting by the window one of my favorite places in San Marcos because Thursdays offer me enough free time to explore the hot spots here. It's so peaceful watching people meander by, subjects of the beautiful sunlight that's finally showed its face after a week of being stifled by the weather. I find myself the most inspired here in this haven of berets, mocha lattes, local art and vegan appetites. Here, by this window, time slows and I'm able to revel in it.

I thought when I was creating my schedule for the semester that if I set up my classes ten minutes apart the day would go by faster. Now, though I got what I wished for, I want to slow down. I want to be able to have the time to wander around campus between classes, give my rear end muscles a break, breathe in the fresh air and explore downtown-- maybe even fit in time for a cup of coffee. I am a woman of many paces, but I am starting to discover that maybe I should stop rushing through life and just sit back for the ride. Or maybe I'm just never satisfied.

That doesn't always have to be a bad thing though.

The moment my life turns in one direction, I want to have the option to stray, even if I choose not to do so. There's a sense of being limitless that way. But when I have to adapt to a strict schedule with no room for moments like these, where I can just stop for a second and marvel at life, I feel suffocated.

That is why I am so grateful for Thursdays. One class in the morning, work at night. The whole town is my playground and I have hours to use up just sitting around, soaking it all in. Inspiration travels with me this way.

Time to work on the musical.

To write, I must party.

I planned a party of sorts this weekend that I may not even be able to attend because I can't get my shift covered on Saturday. I'd list off every profanity in the book right now if that could communicate to you how I'm feeling right now, but my patience is withering away every moment I am not in the clear to go to this damn party.

So while my blood begins to cool from the simmer it was experiencing previously, I have decided to focus on one of my many writing projects. It is a musical of epic proportions. Before you scoff and remind me of how competitive and unrealistic the world of the arts can be, I am completely aware. You don't have to remind me. But this is not just something I am doing half-assed. I am practically putting my soul into this. Broadway, I AM COMING FOR YOU.

Let's just focus on the boogers kids.

My reward for classes being cancelled today is being surrounded by children who constantly feel the need to nark on each other and go poop with the door wide open. One of the kids asked "Are boogers always green?" from across the room and it completely caught me off guard because I am still fending off the mentality that I had adopted last night when I posted. My Mom seemed caught off guard too, which surprised me more than the question itself because she must hear questions like this everyday. She has been trained in the art of answering strange questions that manifest in the minds and escape through the mouths of three-year-olds. You have to maintain a good sense of humor when you are around kids all of the time.

We'll be back after these messages.

Since I turned in the poems that were due today, I don't have much going on other than my snooping through all of my old videos in tribute to the video that I made yesterday (other than the fact that I said "y'know" about 3497 times. That should not be celebrated). And I have discovered that there is some hilarious shit in my videos folder that I sadly may not be able to display on the internet due to some friends who do not find the embarrassing shit that was documented to be very flattering. So I have been digging for a while to find something that I can possibly show you in an attempt to invite you into my life a little bit more than my writing has provided. Surprisingly, just because I write, that does not make me any less than a visual person. So I figure I'll touch base with both.

A colorful rant meets a colorful rant.

I was surprised at how much feedback I received for posting my first Vlog, and how fast I received it. Thank you everyone for putting up with me. I was unaware that I had an accent until this morning when I accepted the plethora of comments waiting for me. Also, apparently I make a hot librarian figure, which will sadly be a temporary look considering that I am going to get my contacts soon. Sorry everyone, but at least you have documented proof that I am sizzling hot in my glasses. Those are going to be put away for a long time, so if this upsets you, I encourage you to watch the video as much as you want. This is not an invitation to undress me with your eyes though, you librarian fetish fiends.

Oh baby.

Day 23 (a glimpse into the future): Give pictures of five guys who are famous who you find attractive.

Life is on my mind

Day 8 (but not really day 8): A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

I strangely find this a difficult question to answer, mostly because I experience a sense of satisfaction, though many are fleeting, everyday. Sometimes it occurs when I wake up, sometimes it occurs just before falling asleep. Most times the satisfaction finds me on my trips to and from school. Driving on the country roads that overlook the hill country really give me a chance to reflect on what I have.

I have a loving boyfriend

I have a supporting family

I am doing well in school and graduate next year

I am crazy about my job and coworkers.

I have already started writing, even if it is for myself, it's still something!

I have more than I could ever ask for. Though I frequently complain about the downfalls of each and everyday, I am still fortunate and incredibly happy with my life. I am not claiming that every aspect of my existence is or was picture perfect, but I most certainly will say with confidence that I am very satisfied with how things are working out for me. It will be better when I graduate. Then I can start traveling. If life's amazing now, imagine how it'll be when I am with Mike?! God, I can't wait to graduate and get the Hell out of here.

Oh! There I go again. I'm totally happy. Compleeetely satisfied.

Day Two: When I'm thirty, I plan to be awesome

Day Two of Super Awesome Challenge: Where you'd like to be in ten years.

I might find this the easiest to answer though it may not be the easiest to achieve. Of course I would like to be married and have children by the time I hit thirty. If anything I believe I was born to be a Mom. But I have a restless spirit and imagination, and have always strived to become a better writer. I am currently working on a novel and a musical, both of which I'd like to be out in the world by then. I am currently in the mindset, established by a pep talk from Michael, that I should go big or go home. As a writer, I owe it to myself to expand my storytelling to different genres and forms. Screenplay has always interested me, and music is another passion of mine.

I guess what I am trying to say is, family is somewhat of a given, but really pursuing dreams many dub unrealistic is going to lead me to where I'd like to be in ten years: a well known writer, known for my diversity.

Other tidbits I would like to achieve by the age of thirty: getting my Masters in English with an emphasis in creative writing, visiting Ireland, and maybe, just maybe white river rafting rrrrrapid thingy.

Yes, yes, and yes.

I suspect that Stephenie Meyer is in cahoots with Google Ads

Becoming a werewolf. 

Now you don't have to be Native American to look this good.

When life gives you lemons, don't sit on your ass and stare at them

Why is it that awesome ideas for blog posts and creative ways to start them off flash in my head before I fall asleep? Because due to their unfortunate timing, and since I am never motivated to write anything down, what happens when I wake up? POOF! Gone. All of them, all of the fantastic things that I wanted to say disappear because I have the memory of a pot head. I'm just upset that I could have written something super awesome on here and now I can't even remember what I wanted to say.

So here I sit, scrambling to find something to talk about when all I've done today is paint my nails, watch movies, and sit around on my ass eating. I am living a dull and uninteresting life here because I've been hiding from reality since I've returned from New York. I have got to get out of this house and do something with myself, because if I don't, I will never have any decent posts to share with the lot of you. Ever. And that would be sad.

BUT YOU ALL ARE SO HARD TO PLEASE!

So it's new goal time. By the end of the day, I will have something to talk about-- something other than me complaining that I have nothing to talk about. I mean, if your life isn't full of great material, what kind of life are you living anyway, right?