Fleas, crabs, and mutated cells all make a J-Roll

Day something: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality

I would firstly like to complain openly about how I am the only Zodiac sign who has two health conditions: cancer and crabs. At birth I was diagnosed with an STD followed by a life threatening disease. That is just wonderful.

But in all honesty, I wouldn't be any other sign but a Cancer. I have always been proud of my zodiac sign for what it stands for and how spot on it seems to be with my personality. Here is a little tidbit about Cancerians or whatever the Hell we're called.

"Cancer, the fourth sign of the zodiac, is a water sign, which signifies your highly emotional nature. Being under the sway of the element of water also makes you highly caring, generous and intuitive. You are highly evolved, even spiritual — the water signs are karmically (buh?) developed and refined in spirit.

Water is malleable and adaptable. You are very much like that. You adapt when you have to, but you much prefer to make changes on your own terms.

Like water, you are soothing and nourishing too. Life-supporting energies are at the heart of your character. You will act as a support for many people — in your own family and beyond. (Like in space!)

Oscar-winning actress Kathy Bates is a dedicated patron, funding a Beverly Hills hospital for women recovering from cancer. Guess what her star sign is? You got it — Cancer! (Really?! OMFG.)

You are for the most part a person of feeling and sensation. (Hot.) Often you will ignore your own judgment and rationality, and someone’s else’s reasonable advice, in favor of how you feel. (Not so hot.) You don’t care if you’re wrong, either! If your intuition tells you to do something, like reaching out to give someone a helping hand, you’ll just do it. (Nevermind, I'm awesome!)

Others turn to you when they need a shoulder to cry on — you’ll do well in any of the caring professions. This approach is highlighted by your key life phrase, ‘I nurture’. You find it difficult to turn away anyone in need. Anyone who knows you will agree that you are one of the best people to connect with if they need advice. Friends will turn to you if they are in trouble, knowing that your sensitive and compassionate touch will lighten their load. (...What load are we speaking of here?)

You are extremely receptive to your environment and the people around you, and will often ‘pick up’ people’s energies, moods and thoughts. (I can read minds?) This ability serves you well; your intuition about people is quite often correct. Your knack of knowing people’s issues before they even open their mouths attracts them to you. (Again. I can read minds?!) The difficulty with this, though, is that you can tend to absorb their emotions — negative as well as positive.

You reflect the qualities of the changing Moon. (I'M A WEREWOLF!) This means that at times your emotions get the better of you, and you swing from high to low. Family and friends will be well aware of this, but they will not doubt your loyalty and support.

Another aspect of the Moon that sometimes doesn’t work well for you is its maternal nature. (I'm a caring werewolf) You sometimes veer too close to the mothering/smothering lane, which can put people off. (I smother people with my emotions instead of pillows because I'm all about prolonging the process)

Back on the plus side, you love to mix with all sorts of people. (...Rum and Coke that is) Social activities are an essential ingredient in your development. You are a great success socially, because you can convey your wisdom to others so well (Beer before liquor, never been sicker kids) — Cancerians have very expressive faces.

(It's true)

Creative enterprises are a great way to make the most of your moods and your imagination. Music and writing are perfect vehicles for you. You can express the inner part of your being as entertaining literary, art or music pieces." -Astrology.com

And that is that folks. You heard them. I was destined to blog. Cancer and crabs don't seem so bad anymore.