A Dilemma We All Face Unless We Marry Rich

We all experience the ongoing mayhem in our brains that is induced by the question: "What am I going to do with my life?" The question itself sounds simple enough, but not only is this a question of money; it's a question that society deems necessary to answer as soon as possible. Also, there is a new development that not many people consider, but makes answering said question all the more difficult.

"What am I going to do with my life that will pay rent and will make me happy?"

It's easy to spout out answers when you're young because happiness is an everyday occurrence when you're innocent and don't have to pay any bills. When you're young, you think about occupations that sound fun at the time, and hang onto them until you get bored with the idea of being a fire truck or a police dog. You move onto more standard jobs, like being a doctor or a teacher. Then, when you are old enough to realize that just picking something because it sounds cool isn't practical, and you are forced to really consider the job description that best suits you as a person, as well as your wallet- well- it's not fun anymore.



I am twenty-one-years-old and have a degree in nothing. I started this blog with a haughty post describing my ambitions as an English major, and yet here I am: no degree, no job, no fulfillment.

Don't get me wrong, I am on cloud nine being engaged to Mr. Right, I really am, but I was raised with a sense of independence that is so embedded in my brain that it's hard to let go because it's a part of who I am. It whispers to me late in the night when I'm contemplating my credit card bill, making it hard to sleep. It summons a crippling guilt whenever Michael pays for the groceries, or buys me the pretty dress I couldn't keep my eyes off of. It punches me right in my lady gut when I see my high school graduation photo hanging slumped to one side over my Mom's desk. I see the ambition so clearly in my 17-year-old eyes, and I feel like I've failed that girl.

Here is my frantic timeline:

Elementary School
Music Teacher

Middle School
Archaeologist
Author
Comic artist

High School
Zoologist
English teacher

University
English Teacher
Author

Drop Out

Author
Nurse
Bar Owner
Real estate Agent
Web Designer
Comic Store Owner
Etsy Store Owner
House Wife
Secretary
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGHHHH!

This battle has been going on for years now, because honestly, I can't find a single interest of mine that alone defines me. I love to write, create, help people, feel good at the end of the day, interact, and would one day like to have a big family. I like to be in charge of myself and work at a pace that fits me. How am I supposed to fit all of these aspects of my personality into one field?!

Well, one day, I found myself doing what I usually do when I grow bored of my surroundings: I rearranged furniture and organized the shelves until I felt like I was living somewhere else for a while.

"That looks really good." Michael said, examining the room.

"You always say that," I responded. I don't deserve the man.

"No really, I think I like this the best. I like the empty wine bottles and glasses on the shelf over the fireplace like that, and the book shelf looks more organized now."

Conversations like this happen often and lead into further conversations about the use of space, color, energy and utility. I can look through interior design magazines for hours, and Mike doesn't even mind when I drag his attention to a particular arrangement and talk about projects I'd like to do around the house and little tricks I've seen pinned on Pinterest that I can't get out of my mind. I could spend the rest of my life residing within the walls of Ikea.

Interior design has been a hobby of mine since my Mom introduced to me the prospect of changing my room every few years for a new, fresh beginning.

That's how I feel when I buy a vase for the side table, or rearrange picture frames, or look at color schemes online: fresh. It's always been an escape mechanism of mine for when the world outside of my home seems too overwhelming; I take charge of the miniature world that is my apartment. After a bad day, all I have to do is move the wine rack to a different side of the bar and fluff up the pillows, and I suddenly find myself ready to conquer cities. It makes me feel inspired and alive. It's a hobby that completely relies on my creativity to thrive.

Since then, I've been seriously considering this field of study for when I return to school. It incorporates my love of color, design, creativity, and may someday even help people. As for the writing? I smell a side blog project possibility.