Okay. So I'm not really good at anything else. I've been told that I can sing, but that is just as unrealistic as convincing myself that I can make it in this world with my ideas alone. But they are really good ideas. At least I think they are, until those insecurities creep up on me again and try to convince me that I am wasting my time and should just settle on something easier, like a steady paying job. But that's no fun. I don't mind being a starving artist. I don't care about how much money I pocket from these projects. I just want to have my ideas and stories out in the world for people to enjoy. I cannot express to you enough how much of a struggle it is for me to keep all of these ideas and stories in my head. Eventually I am going to run out of room because everything seems to have the potential to be inspiration for a story. But sometimes insecurities outweigh inspiration.
Recently I found out that Michael's Mom thinks that my writing is mediocre, nothing special. Along with my previous demons, those words played in repetitions in my mind and weighed down on my shoulders as I continued to push myself to work on these projects. The more they beat on my confidence, the more it showed in my content. I was discouraged, and even contemplated giving up on my blog. I had let the devil on my shoulder win, which makes me think about all of the writers with potential out there who let their demons take hold of them. How many books weren't published because some writer stopped before finishing? How many poems? How many works of art have I not seen because someone's demons silenced their creativity?
That's when the angel on my shoulder stepped in. She called these insecurities "vampires." They'd suck away my confidence and leave me bled dry of what made me, well, me.
Thank you Bloggess.
Since listening to this song, I've really made progress on the musical. The vampires still lurk outside of my door, but I'm well equipped with garlic and crucifixes. I assume they won't be returning to haunt me anytime soon. Die Vampire Die!
So I've come to one conclusion. Vampires DO NOT sparkle. YOU do when you overcome them.
Don't let anyone tell you that your work is mediocre! I'm glad you're not giving up. I love your blog, and I think your musical will be faboosh. So, that's my two cents. =)
ReplyDeletei sparkle
ReplyDeleteYeah, don't give up on writing. Last month, I really, really wasn't in the mood to write, and lately I haven't been either. But I keep doing it because I enjoy doing it. It's like a therapy type of thing. I say stick to your dreams and aspire to what you truly want to be. Don't settle.
ReplyDelete@Shan and Manda: I'll update you when I get this damn musical finished.
ReplyDelete@Jon: Honey, we know.
Insecurities are part of life, blah, blah, blah and all that other self-help crap. Listen, JRoll, keep doing your thing and stay creative. I think you and I are in the same bed when it comes to our thoughts on artistic worth. I agree with you that it is all about sharing our ideas, our creations with the world. If I can have one person, just one mind you, that told me that my music inspired them...then that would be enough for me. Granted, we are living in the real world though, so the green is needed for everyday living. I think you should keep the blog/musical/writing going AND look for the everyday job. Keep all bases covered and expect the best out of your work :)
ReplyDeleteI believe in you, and I'm glad you do too.
Girl I'm just gonna keep it short and sweet: SHAKE THE HATER OFF! Don't let anyone down play your work! We all know you are THE BOMB! Anyone that says other wise is either jealous, or just plain stupid as hell!
ReplyDeleteI (tear) I love you guys.
ReplyDelete