True Life: Working at a Hookah Lounge

Clearly I am avoiding this religious post that I am supposed to write. Curse being binded to an imaginary contract of posting these topics! I broke the rules once and nothing bad happened, but I don't want to test my luck because I obviously have none. So before I move onto the Blog Challenge I so willfully am partaking in, here is a little taste of a typical shift at the lounge with Katie. Firstly, to encourage our customers to try mixes, we have an ever changing menu of staff favorites. So lately all of the members of the staff have been concocting mixes in hopes of having their names posted on the menu. It's cool when people approach the counter and ask for a mix of mine. Recently, Michaela and I created a banana flavor that I am addicted too. It'll be on the menu soon and I've been pushing for people to test it out. Here's what happened:

Me: "OH MY GOD KATIE."

Katie: "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Me: "I want you to smoke this, then I dare you to tell me that it's shit."

Katie: "It probably is." (inhales)

Me: "Well?"

Katie: "Oh God it's glorious!"

Me: "I know!"

Katie: "It's the best thing I've ever put in my face!"

Me: "That's what she-"

Katie: "Don't you dare."

Me: "I'm telling your boyfriend."

Later...

Katie: I want to create a flavor called "The Flying Dutchman."

Me: "That's a fabulous idea! It can taste like corpses!"

Katie: (laughing) "That's a great idea."

Me: (from the bathroom, my voice echoing) "...and treasure!"

Katie: "That can be the description. 'Tastes like treasure!'"

Me: "Everyone will order it. So many people... if we keep the taste of corpse on the down low."

Katie: "Agreed."

Me: "I wish half of the conversations we have back here were recorded. We could totally have a reality show. We are highly entertaining."

Katie: "Yeah, like Miami Ink."

Me: "I can picture it now. When people come in and order a flavor, they can talk for thirty minutes about how the flavor symbolizes a moment in their lives that they will never forget."

Katie: "...this flavor reminds me of my childhood."

Me: "Forever stained on my lungs. Like a tattoo!"

Later...
Katie: I wanted to create my own flavor with blackberry in it.

Me: Blackberry Margarita's never been done I think.

Katie: I thought so too! Until I saw Hoot post this Blackberry-Margarita concoction on Facebook. I was like, CURSE YOU HOOT."

Me: That man has a lot of time on his hands. He can read minds too I think.

Katie: And ruin my life.

Later...
(Katie is in the front room assisting customers. I have the sudden urge to sell me and Michaela's Banana Cream Pie flavor.)
Katie: "...If you like apple flavors, I highly recommend Fahkfahkina."

Customers: "That sounds good. We will-"

Me: (bursting from the curtain in the back) "DO YOU LIKE BANANAS!?"

Customers: (stare fearfully in my direction)

Katie: Oh my God, Jessica. Could you be anymore creepy?"

Me: "I'm helping!" (looking at the customers) "Answer me!"

Customers: "Oh, um, yes, uh."

Me: "Order my flavor instead."

Customers: (After they taste my flavor) "We'll go with the Fahkfahkina."

Me: "CURSES."

Katie: (strutting into the back with me) "That was a fail."

Me: "I don't want to talk about it. Clearly mine was the better of the two."

Katie: "That's why they ordered something else. ...That they've never tried."

Me: "...Bitch."

And that's my job folks.