A Man's Perspective I: The Menstration Edition

Me: "Do you know how periods work?"

Mike: "Yes. No. Maybe. No. Yes."

Me: "Wait, do you know? You don't, do you?"

Mike: (uncertainty in voice) "Of course I do. Everyone knows how periods work."

Me: "...Well?"

Mike: "What?"

Me: "Tell me how it works."

Mike: "Well, uh, see, your body decides that it wants to have a baby every month for some reason, right? So it takes this empty room and stuff. Then it gets everything all ready, puts all the decorations up. Then it gets tired of waiting -- rips all the decorations down and says fuck it!"

Me: "You forgot the most important part though."

Mike: "You mean the egg?"

Me: "Yeah. It's the most painful. Imagine the egg to be my fist. My finger is the tube."

Mike: (Man wince) "Like a softball through a garden hose. (Some sort of ugh/ew noise-fusion)"

Me: "Yeah. Then the egg kills itself."

Mike: "Maybe Aunt Flow murdered it then threw it away with the decorations."

Me: "Oh God."

Mike: (Srsface) "Aunt Flow's a psychotic bitch."