You're not doing it right

I hate it when I am obviously doing something, or nothing (mostly nothing), but it is still apparent how I am occupying my time, and some sleaze with ill intentions written across his face with jet black permanent marker leans toward me, whether it be at work or any other public location, and asks, "Whatcha doin'?"  This has always been a pet peeve of mine, but I usually handle myself well and manage to get the man who thinks that I am just passing the time by staring at the pages of a book to look smart to get bored with me and give up on his hidden agenda. It can be very tiresome.

Man with very high standards who takes a seat beside me: "What are you doing?"

Me with very low patience and has a purse beneath the man's ass: "...Reading a book."

Man: "What book is it?"

Me: (It is written on the cover that is facing you, asshole) "Eat, Pray, Love."

Man: "Is it about eating, praying and loving?

Me: (No, it's about cannibalism and necrophiliacs.) "Yep."

Man: "Do you need to learn to do these things?"

Me: (I will kill you.) "This is a story about someone else. It was not in the "Do It Yourself" section, if that is what you mean."

"Ah."

(Five minutes pass with my nose in the pages and the man staring at me until he grows bored of me and leaves, leaving my purse pressed into the seats, halfway hidden in the cushions of the couch.)

That same day, I went to work and did my usual clean sweep of the place, then sat down to enjoy a hookah until my shift was over at ten. Maeson was not in the best of moods, but said something that reminded me that I have brilliant friends. "I was a bitch today," she started.

"How?"

"I hate it when people ask me what I am doing when it is obvious what I am doing."

"I completely agree."

"So I am going to start answering them all the same way."

"How?"

"I am going to tell them to I am doing kegal exercises."

My jaw dropped.

"I tried it and it worked. The guy thought I was weird and walked away."

My jaw was so low to the ground I was in danger of getting rug burn on my chin. "It actually works?"

"So far."

I mean, the idea is incredibly inappropriate, but it was produced at work, a place with no boundaries. (Maybe that is why I don't make tips...) But I wanted to try it out for myself. So I set up a station at the front desk and waited to be approached by the same question that so many women hate.

"So what are you up to?"

I looked up from my book to find a mediocre looking freshman adorned with a hot pink polo and a tie. Oh God. So I tested the waters, confident that Maeson's knowledge of the world that had been passed down to me would surely work in my favor. So I replied as sarcastically as humanly possible, "Doing my kegal exercises."

"That is so incredibly SEXY."

Great Jessica.

"Do all women do that or just some?"

You picked a horny freshman to use as a lab rat.

"Oh my God I bet you are so good in bed."

Good job.