Is it hot in here?

I know that it was expected that I would have to take the heat from this recent change in direction for the rest of this year, but my fingers are singed from the flame. So just know that when I type this, it is excruciatingly painful and you should be lucky that I am writing this at all because I am bleeding all over the keyboard and that can't be hygienic.

There is really not much to say other than I'm sad. I'm sad because of the reactions I received throughout the day. I am sad because there is this idea being nurtured that I should have to defend myself when it comes to making a decision of this magnitude. And not only that, I am sad that people gave me so much encouragement when the idea was premature, then right as I made this leap of faith, they pulled back and questioned me.

The worst part is, I'm letting it bother me. But maybe it should. I don't know.

When I leave for Alaska, I'm hope to be leaving behind something that has plagued me since I was a little girl- doubt. Beforehand I used to contemplate the idea, toying with it in my head. I always pulled back self consciously because I was afraid of everyone's reactions. "What would everyone think?" I never once thought to myself "what if it never works out between us?" Doesn't that say something? I was tentative because of my fear of what other people would think and was focused on that rather than Mike himself.

But maybe the fear was just, because it is happening as I had expected it to. Sorry NASA, the mushroom cloud of rage is my fault.